tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post1386423061642433925..comments2023-10-12T16:08:14.017+01:00Comments on Lashings of Ginger Beer Time Blog: Genderqueer, dress codes, and the world beyond the bubbleAnnalyticahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06402598855200483948noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-81486887381920442442015-05-11T08:19:39.885+01:002015-05-11T08:19:39.885+01:00This is a very beautiful and so much Gorgeous home...This is a very beautiful and so much Gorgeous homecoming dresses I seen ever. Thanks to Owner of this Site to share it. Very Nice Post. <a href="http://rnmboutique.com/" rel="nofollow">Men Formal Wear</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15715691960930824325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-61953114156477838222015-05-03T13:59:24.305+01:002015-05-03T13:59:24.305+01:00Hey Orlando,
I completely feel you. I'm a stu...Hey Orlando,<br /><br />I completely feel you. I'm a student at Oxford, vaguely middle class, DFAB non-binary, and formal wear is just the bane of my life. I've been freaking out about work, partly because I've always felt really distant from women co-workers, which made a lot more sense when I realized I wasn't one. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you felt like you were doing both masculinity and femininity badly- it's exactly how I feel, although because I'm not super fluid it's been easier to just set up camp in the middle ground. <br /><br />One thing I've found for formal wear that works is like, either really flamboyant menswear (I dress like a very campy twink) or sometimes... jumpsuits? The worst is getting dragged to things where I have to meet people my parents are trying to do business with, and I get to stress about making or breaking a deal. But I firmly believe, someday we will carve out our place in the world. ;)<br /><br />Best wishes,<br />CecilAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-48765347141789015212012-10-15T08:37:49.144+01:002012-10-15T08:37:49.144+01:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-24894181102314569872012-10-10T23:36:55.527+01:002012-10-10T23:36:55.527+01:00Hey there Orlando,
I can't say I'm gender ...Hey there Orlando,<br />I can't say I'm gender queer - I know I am male, although I can't say I feel particularly intense dysphoria of being "stuck" in a female body unless you point me at a guy's lean frame... then I just sort of howl and go, "I wanna be like that toooooo".<br /><br />(ok, second part is just a joke :) )<br /><br />I am at the start of the adventure; I am living as myself full-time because I didn't want to make any huge decisions without having enough experience as male or female. Haven't spoken to doctors yet, and so on, so i guess you could say I am experimenting with myself to see what happens, and how I feel about it. <br /><br />I can totally see where you're coming from though. Back home, I was quite explicitly told that 'what' I am is sick and perverted, and that I am a girl (apparently my opinion doesn't come into it... also, all this was by my mother.. o.O). I can remember thinking, way before I even thought that I might be trans*, that wearing really feminine stuff was not for me. It just... didn't work for me on some very basic level. I felt uncomfortable, but somehow I was expected to 'grin and bear it' just because my parents thought I was beautiful in a skirt or with my hair down (it is now veeeeeery short - think military :P ) and because I was expected to behave that way. Makes for very interesting social analysis - women are expected to grin and bear a lot of stuff.<br /><br />Now, however, I'm miles away from that. :D Well... sort of. <br /><br />I'm literally miles away from home, so I'm experimenting, as I mentioned. First day of university was hilarious - I had been introducing myself to everybody as Eric, because that is my chosen name. The professor calls out the register, and of course, there was no Eric. I explained to everybody afterwards that I prefer it. It didn't occur to me to tell the teacher, so second week of uni came along, and I didn't even respond to my official name. Anyhow, I find it really cool that nobody has asked why I prefer Eric or anything. The guys just assume I'm one of the guys, and the girls don't really seem to mind. Never expected that. :) <br /><br />My best friends are still struggling with the pronouns, but we're makin progress. :) <br /><br />Soon enough, I'll be publishing as Eric too (I write for a local magazine) and I'm hoping I won't get legal shit for it, because I haven't changed my name legally yet (although I know plenty of peeps who have a nom de plume, so maybe nobody will mind).<br /><br />Anyhow, I guess my point is, there's always peeps who will give you shit because you don't fulfil their criteria of what they think is a guy or a girl. To be honest, I don't think you really have to be either (although I guess that might be a problem when it comes to bathrooms). So long as you have a friend who will back you up, then you're safe. I think the main issue is that, as trans* peeps, we always try to 'pass' as one gender or the other and that is always subject to someone else's judgement. :/ <br /><br />Also, I guess it depends on how comfortable you look/behave... In my case, if I say I'm a guy, I might be considered delicate or fragile - in that, I've not go huge muscles or anything and i'm shorter than most - but I just introduce myself as, well... myself! I stick to my guns (so to speak), and nobody really challenges me about gender. They used to at first, cause i would introduce myself as Eric and it sounded/felt strange in my mouth. But it's all good now... so far. <br /><br />My final argument would be that some people probably don't really care that much, so long as you actually are a respectable human being. The problem arises when they seem offended or feel they 'have been deceived'. o.O (eejits!)<br /><br />That's my fifty cent (wait...no, that's a rapper... o.O ). Anyway, see ya round. <br /><br />Yours sincerely,<br />Eric.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-56482067681050492642012-10-09T14:41:12.057+01:002012-10-09T14:41:12.057+01:00This is totally me. And yes, it's really depre...This is totally me. And yes, it's really depressing to be femme at my job of 3 years, but it pays the bills. Good luck!Andy teh Nerdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12028450113408104244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-29805131452124007542012-10-08T21:15:59.191+01:002012-10-08T21:15:59.191+01:00I'd just like to say this is a great post. I&#...I'd just like to say this is a great post. I'm a cis gendered female and I related to a surprisingly lagre amount of this...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-51937936248455439632012-10-08T18:10:05.388+01:002012-10-08T18:10:05.388+01:00Just wanted to say that I love this post. :)Just wanted to say that I love this post. :)Lottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01241482792594300995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-55763241889889029202012-10-06T16:33:48.092+01:002012-10-06T16:33:48.092+01:00Oh guys, this is so relevant for me right now. I&#...Oh guys, this is so relevant for me right now. I'm pretty much where you are, orlando - just leaving my comfy academic bubble and considering getting a real grown up job.<br /><br />I'm really glad ganymede has some positive thoughts to share, because honestly, I can't see my way out of the dark. I am *terrified*. As a fluid person who is most comfortable using a name that is not my legal name, using pronouns that are not the ones most people would unthinkingly use, and wearing clothes that fit whatever my gender is that day, I just can't see how being in a grown up environment is going to work. I literally can't imagine it. I'm shy and hate being an object of attention, and the only way I can think of to not be "that weirdo" is to completely stifle my actual being, buy an entirely new wardrobe, learn to do one set of stuff (f or m, as it were) properly and abandon the other during my working life. <br /><br />That's assuming I can even get a job in the first place.<br /><br />Hey, ganymede, how would you know if you didn't get a job because you're trans*? That's something I'm really worried about. What if I just fail to present properly at an interview, whatever "properly" means to them, and, since jobs are hard to come by and there are way more applicants than jobs, the interviewers just decided to go with an 'easier' option? You know, like "that one knows how to look professional; this job is client-facing; the other one was good too but will confuse the clients; decision made!" Or even if they're just a bit transphobic, and decide they'd rather not employ the weirdo? How would I know that was the case? What if I never get a job?<br /><br />Oh my god, even writing this is stressing me out. I'm considering staying in an industry I'm not that passionate about, purely because it is more flexible in terms of presentation, and also as I'm already there I've already done the hard work of being an obvious weirdo, and people have got used to it.<br /><br />I'm starting to panic so I'm gonna sign off now. Sorry I haven't really added anything to the discussion :-s And thanks for showing me I'm not alone ... Olliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15812865772654663502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828823099864315938.post-87597471307767732542012-10-05T16:38:04.293+01:002012-10-05T16:38:04.293+01:00Hi Orlando,
This is a really powerfully written p...Hi Orlando,<br /><br />This is a really powerfully written post and it's definitely something that comes up with painful regularity in the "real world".<br /><br />From my own experiences, though (and that's as someone who is comfortable being seen as binary-gendered, in a workplace which might - or might not! - be unusually friendly and accepting), I think there's cause for hope.<br /><br />I came out to my work colleagues as soon as I possibly could after starting the job, and it felt *so* much better than the couple of months of being rubbed up the wrong way by gendered conversations, of missing countless opportunities to say "well actually" and kicking myself for it, of dressing the only way I was comfortable dressing and still feeling that it reflected on me as an "inability" to be a "proper" woman.<br /><br />The actual coming-out wasn't nearly as bad as the anxiety about doing so. There were a few awkward weeks where I had to go to meetings about which toilets I would use(!), and a few slip-ups from colleagues, but for the most part, hardly any of them asked, and hardly any of them seemed to care, and certainly none of them have used me as a Teachable Moment, at least not in my presence (to my slight chagrin!).<br /><br />Even with the added complication of having to say you're non-binary, I'd hope you'd get a similar reception in any reasonable workplace; patiently teach them an easily-learnt neutral pronoun and wait for it to sink in that you won't quite *ever* fit in to the dress code, and they're likely to shut up and get on with it for the sake of a quiet life (theirs and yours both).<br /><br />I applied under my female name, but I went to the interview presenting as just as much of a gender-misfit as I ever do, and was still a) read as female and b) offered the job... I've recently started applying for things under my not-yet-official male name, just because I felt it would have been easier all along if I'd been out from the word go, and I haven't yet been invited to an interview at which I could screw with people's heads, but I really would hope I'd get the same kind of "...oh! ...okay... well, if you can do the job, whatever" reaction - and if I didn't, I'd certainly have grounds to invoke the Equalities Act, however draining that might end up being.<br /><br />I've mentioned some of my at-work experiences on my blog - much much less over the past year, because since I came out, it's felt like much less of a big deal! I'd be interested to hear other people's experiences - I certainly don't want to paint an excessively rosy picture when my experience might be much more positive than the norm - but equally, I do like to make a note of those times when being trans* ISN'T all doom and gloom and oppression :)Ganymedehttp://deconstruction-site.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com